We are very familiar with the end-of-agenda “Q&A”. But which is most important in our day-to-day interactions – to Question OR to Answer?

On a training course many years ago I was provided with a list of “High Gain Questions” and was taught to use them to re-frame a simple unimaginative and limited-response challenge into a much more powerful query. For example, instead of asking “What do you plan to do in 2019?” to change this to “Come Christmas next year, what three things will you have achieved and why are these most important?” The essence being that they encourage the listener to speculate, visualise, prioritise and consider possibilities, encouraging them to think much more deeply.

I love these “difficult” questions because they bring out the depth in people’s thinking and beliefs. I can’t say I’m terribly good at them but I do try.

The key is preparation. I spent quite some time rehearsing a number of these for the young man who was planning on asking permission to take my daughter’s hand. That turned out to be a highly revealing Q&A.

The questions ought to be asked with genuine intrigue and humility, not just to catch-out the subject. The goal is to learn not embarrass or worse, to humiliate.

I want to be known for the questions I have asked more than the answers I have given.

And if you’re wondering, my budding son-in-law demonstrated immense depth, love and trustworthiness and continues to do so since marrying.