Dr Alan Colley
+44 (0)7747 898373
alan.colley9@hotmail.co.uk

Category: Coaching

Don’t just blame your tools – give them away

I learned to play saxophone at Ashton High School. I never played particularly well – just enough to scrape a music O-level alongside the piano which was my primary instrument.

A source of huge inspiration was my slightly older schoolmate, Ian Kirkham, who played immeasurably better than I did. He went on to play with Simply Red from 1986 for thirty years. You’ll probably recognise his solo in “Something got me started“.  Sadly not much rubbed-off on me. I could never make my instrument sound like his and I always gravitated back to my keyboard. So a decade later, it went unnoticed when I lost track of the Tenor Sax that my parents had bought me having put it somewhere while moving house in Edinburgh.

And then a few years later, I heard somebody play sax in a church worship band and I was transported back to lessons alongside Ian Kirkham. It was like having Kenny G on my Sony Walkman. It was beautiful. It was pure, dreamy, breathy emotion. It was Adam.

I had no idea my friend Adam Archibald played so I eagerly approached him at the close of the service. I explained I’d had a go at learning sax but my instrument wasn’t very good, having leaky pads and not a very good mouthpiece (technical terms). His response stunned me. He’d found the sax he was playing in a cupboard and without an obvious owner had adopted it. He thought it was a beautiful instrument. He had no idea who to thank for it. It was MY SAX. My not-very-good-sax with leaky pads and an inferior mouthpiece. 

There is a really obvious moral to this story that you have likely heard before; “A bad workman always blames his tools“. I was a bad saxophonist blaming my perfectly good sax. 

But there is a less obvious take-away, that sometimes we have to give things away to create something beautiful. I didn’t willingly give away that sax but unwittingly it fell into somebody else’s hands who (instead of my honking grunts) created beautiful, floating, dreamy melodies.

How often do we selfishly hold onto things which could be used far more effectively by others? Not just “things” (i.e. possessions) but possibly our time or talents? If we gave those away without any expectation of a return, I wonder how people could transform them into something beautiful, something far better than we could have done with them ourselves? Maybe we should consider ourselves as “stewards” more than “owners”? Hold things a little less preciously. Share them or give them away. In a future blog I’ll share how I gave my car away, extremely profitably.

You may be one of the “haves” but there are many “have nots” right now. So perhaps it’s time to give away a few hours of your time? Or something from your cluttered house? Or some of your expertise or wisdom? 

You might be surprised when it turns up again, far better than you’d imagined possible.

Business, CoachingAlan ColleyLeave a comment

“You cannae change the laws of physics” – Oh Really?

“Energy can neither be created nor destroyed; rather, it can only be transformed or transferred from one form to another.”

Words that bring a warm reassuring feeling to a physicist like me (and conversely, probably puts some of you in a cold sweat). You may remember how this fundamental law of physics explains how energy is conserved as it is exchanged between it’s various forms. Those might be kinetic (movement), potential (e.g. height), chemical (e.g. exploding dynamite) and E=mc2 from special relativity.

I’m going to upset Scotty and generations of notable physicists – I’VE CREATED ENERGY !

Over recent weeks I’ve had conversations with people about their aspirations, hopes, dreams, passions, plans, beliefs, values, circumstances. I concluded every conversation feeling energised by what I had heard. According to the law of physics, that must have been at their expense. So a few days after meeting, I surveyed them online and 7-out-of-7 respondents gave the same anonymised feedback – their energy levels had increased too. I probably need to develop the experiment to see if energy is exchanged with other factors in the laboratory environment such as the coffee, sandwiches, cakes etc which were definitely depleted in the process.

Energy creation is not always the experience. We’ve all had conversations with negative, backbiting, grumbling, dour moaners that have left us feeling depleted & exhausted. In these cases, I suspect the other party wasn’t left feeling uplifted from the discussion either. Perhaps this also contravenes that law of physics given energy is being destroyed? 

We’d all like positive, up-building, energising conversations all the time. But in some circumstances they cannot be – for example where there is bereavement, loss, sadness, despair. In these cases our expectations should rightly be different. To be truly empathic, we need to sacrificially enter into the pain with the other person. 

So how do we maximise the chances of having an energising conversation whilst also showing understanding and empathy when appropriate? 

  • Hear the other party, listening more than talking

  • Be prepared to walk with them even in the valley of darkness

  • Speak to future possibilities & dreams

I don’t expect to get a Nobel Prize in Physics for this work. But I do want to encourage you to genuinely hear people and make a heart-connection with them, so there’s more chance we’ll all “live long and prosper” (another Star Trek reference).

PS If you’ve been energised by this article (or not), you can join the experiment by going to the survey and giving your own response.

Business, CoachingAlan ColleyLeave a comment

Bringing dreams down to earth

I’ve flown from the UK to North America more times than I can count. Looking out of the aircraft window I’ve always been fascinated by the vast uninhabited wilderness areas. From around 36,000ft I would look down and dream about how things would appear at ground level. Rammed-in to economy class, I would reflect on how long could you travel down there without seeing anybody. Drinking a beer whilst munching pretzels I’d wonder what you’d eat if you were abandoned in such rugged places.

Flights follow “North Atlantic Tracks” – corridors organised by the air traffic controllers. These invariably fly over Greenland. I took the photo above (left) from the in-flight entertainment system while travelling from London to Detroit a few years ago. The Google Earth photo to the right shows the route that my wife and I trekked for our honeymoon in August 2019. You can correlate with the in-flight version if you look hard enough.

Compared with looking down a few hours into a transatlantic crossing, the logistics of actually getting there took immeasurably more effort. Gaining the required physical fitness was the easy bit. Months of preparation included vacuum-packing two weeks worth of food, training to use a bolt-action rifle, working with a local SAS trainer who would be our base camp, chartering a fishing boat to drop us off and pick us up and managing a kit list of over 100 items. All this effort turned my mile-high dream into the reality of being immersed in one of the most stunningly-beautiful, rugged and isolated areas of the world. The image embedded in the back of the seat a row in front on the way to Detroit didn’t do justice to the up-close beauty you can see in the images below.

COVID has understandably caused many to put dreams on hold. But we will get through this and whilst we do, there is so much we can do to move us closer to our goals. In prep for our honeymoon, Cambridgeshire wasn’t ideal for training to climb Greenland’s mountains but there were plenty of stairs in office blocks in London and Addenbrookes hospital and 25kg of porridge oats felt just the same on our backs as 100 items on the kit list! So make the most of what you have. If you need education, many courses are now available online, often at minimal or no charge. Maybe you now have the time to learn that new skill or write those letters?

In addition to the quote above, at GLS18 TD Jakes also said “If you have a vision that everybody believes in, it’s too small for you.” I like the use of the word “everybody” because I believe it’s very helpful if “somebody” believes it’s possible. We all need champions. Have you recruited your base camp who can help send you out on your expedition?

It’s time to re-awaken your dreams and test them on others. Find some supporters but make sure your dreams aren’t so small that everybody believes they’re achievable!

Answer honestly..

  1. Do you have a dream? If not, start to look for one now! If you suspended it for COVID, is it time to re-awaken it?
  2. Is it big enough so some will think it’s crazy?
  3. What steps will you take NOW to move it closer?

Adventure, Business, CoachingAlan ColleyLeave a comment

Who would you run through a brick wall for?

Radio 5 “Robbie Savage’s Premier League Breakfast” 04/07/2020

Radio 5 “Robbie Savage’s Premier League Breakfast” 4th July 2020

Robbie Savage: I played for Martin O’Neill Mr Klopp who was on the sideline, animated, and us as Leicester City players at the time used the phrase in England that “we’d run through a brick wall” for him. So basically meant we’d do everything we could for him. You’ve created that environment at Liverpool that those players from the outside looked like they’d do the same for you. How do you instill that into a team? To make them feel like that about you as a manager?

Jurgen Klopp: First and foremost I would run through a brick wall for them. Let me say it like this. 100% with all I had. Without a question.

We all need champions. Those who will push us forwards, fight our corner, cheerlead us. Who will run through that wall for us. I hope you have one or two.

But that’s a little needy. Who are YOU championing? Who will YOU run through a brick wall for?

Can you list 3 people who you will encourage today? It doesn’t need to be a big thing. Just that little nudge to get them over the bumps they may be facing right now and propel them forwards.

CoachingAlan ColleyLeave a comment

“Yeah but, no but” conversations

Vicky Pollard of Little Britain fame, made “Yeah but no but..” #1 of the UK’s TV Catchphrases. I’ve experienced many conversational “Yes but” people and a handful of “No but“. What’s the difference? What are you?

“Yes but..” people may have a different viewpoint to mine but express it by acknowledging my perspective and then offering an alternative. The conversation flows. We both feel valued. Consensus is reached, even if it is very different to my initial viewpoint.

“No but..” people seem to feel compelled to repeatedly disagree even though their view may not be too different to mine. In some extreme cases, they’ll bat back my thought but then eventually get round to repeating it, making it sound like they had originated it. The conversation feels stressed and competitive; like there needs to be a winner and a loser.

One extreme experience involved what should have been a relaxed country-pub meal with my colleague Andy and one of our company VPs. We were there to discuss his potential role as exec sponsor of our customer. Even over aperitifs it became apparent that most of what I said was “wrong”, though oddly he regurgitated my perspectives during starters and savoured them alongside the main course. I was too exhausted to enjoy a desert. Leaving the venue, Andy remarked “What have you done to cause that?” So it wasn’t just me. Thankfully the VP left the company before he had a chance to do it to our beloved customer!

What drives the “No but..” style?

  • Ego? You threaten their significance.
  • Insecurity? Their safety is at risk by you.
  • Competition? We can’t both be right so you must be wrong.

Is it discriminate?

  • Is there general negativity towards everybody?
  • Or do specific people trigger the response? (as I did with my VP in the pub)
  • Should we take some responsibility by the way we engage with them?

Have you been on the receiving end?

  • You may not have identified it but has there been tension in conversation? Could this be why?
  • How have you reacted? Backed-down and given in? Argued, trying to assert your value?
  • Could you gently confront a “No but..” person to raise their awareness and understand why they are like this with you?

Might you sometimes be “No but..“?

  • Are you a great conversationalist with everybody or does it sometimes feel competitive?
  • We can all feel threatened or insecure. Might you sometimes subtly slip into “No but..“?
  • Do we have straight-talking people around who would expose this in us and are we humble enough to admit it?
CoachingAlan ColleyLeave a comment